by William Davenport

Greg, Adam, Leonberger, if you guys haven’t seen this watch it soon. The sequel isn’t that bad either.

Holy shit! This movie is super cool. What Dawn of the Dead is to zombies, Demons is to… well, demons. What could be better than blood and gore set to hip 80’s music? Oh I know, if that movie had the support of Italian master Dario Argento! Damn, the Italians know how to get it done.

I’LL HOLD YOUR HAND IF IT’S A HORROR FILM

So, tell me this. If a man came up to you who looked kind of like Kano from Mortal Kombat and gave you a free pass to a new movie opening in town would you go? Would you actually go back to said person and request another pass for your friend? Yup… I would too. And, that is exactly what Cheryl does for her and her fellow classmate Kathy. They both decide to skip class and see what this theater and film are all about. But, things certainly aren’t how they appear.

Amidst the decorations in the newly renovated theater hangs a silver mask. This is one of those things that you know shouldn’t be touched but, you also know there is going to be one jackass out of them all who can’t resist. Where would our movie be if this never happened? Some ho (I’m not just calling her that, she actually is a ho in this movie) has to go and fuck with things that ain’t hers and gets a bit of a scratch from this mask. What a stupid bitch.

Awwwwwww shit. My favorite part is coming up.

This bitch, as her lovable pimp calls her, is getting increasingly irritated by her newfound laceration and has to go to the bathroom to deal with it.  You’s about to become an instrument of evil mothafucka! The scratch on her face begins to bubble up and eventually explodes in frothy glory all over the women’s restroom. Believe me when I say this is the least of her problems and the beginning to the problems of everyone in the theater.

From here on an innocent night at the theater descends into a hell-on-earth nightmare where one by one the humans get taken out and transformed into ooze spitting lunatic demons. The effects become increasingly impressive throughout the film until the frightening “conclusion.”

THIS SHIT’LL WAKE UP THE DEAD

Not only is this a horror movie, it’s a badass horror movie. Everything I expect to see in a gorefest film is represented here. There are throats being ripped out, eyes being gouged, people getting stabbed, hung, even a barehanded scalping (and that is some shit).  Helicopter blades even make an appearance as a weapon just like in Dawn of the Dead. And let’s not forget about the 80’s music including songs by Billy Idol, Motley Crue and Motorhead.  I don’t even know what to say. I can’t keep my laptop balanced on my lap because of the boner I’ve got.

Sure, the story isn’t anything but a vehicle for mayhem and the characters are two dimensional with no back stories but who cares? I’m here to party.

I can hear some of my friends talking to me now: “What’s the point of the film if there is no story or meaning to any of it?” I get it. I know where you’re coming from. The only thing I can tell you is this: A lot of the movies I watch are made to scare, gross-out, and freak-out. They’re light on story but have a hearty helping of HOLY SHIT. In the end, they are made to entertain and this movie is damn entertaining.

I give it 4 ½ stars out of 5.

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